Two Speedies for the Price of One!

Mia Dearden/ Speedy II

Personality: Mia's pretty levelheaded, compared to the rest of the Arrow clan- though she can be a bit cocky- it's part of her charm. She's crass and vulgar- which we always love in a lady, but she does have a tendancy to blow little things out of proportion and while leaving the big things to fester. Example, "I have HIV. It's okay." vs. "I don't want to join the Teen Titans and I'm going to throw a temper tantrum." Temper Tantrums are never attractive, and neither is the festering and rotting. She has a fixation with Connor, but who can blame her honestly? After all, the boy kissed her- twice- and hasn't done anything since. Andrew and I agree that we would both be frustrated with him after that. She's also extremely well adjusted for her history. Her dad raped her, sold her into prositution, she lived with an abusive pimp/boyfriend, did lots of drugs, and finally after getting out of all that- finds out she has H.I.V. and she's really not all that bitter about it. Seems like she should get some major bonus points for that. We her personality a rating of

21 out of 25.

Costume: We love the mesh arrow. Nice cleavage without showing boob. It works. Plus the deep red and dark yellow are a good color combination, we like them. It's a solid and strong color grouping. Then again, we said that for Wally too- so let's not beat the dead horse. We like red and yellow. The short cape always works out well for ladies, but I think we could go either way on the hood. It lends the whole "Robin Hood" feel to Green Arrow's side kick- but... we might be able to do without it. We give her costume a rating of

18 out of 25

Powers: What powers? Does keeping Ollie and Connor from killing each other count as a super power? That being said, her ability to work a shaft is sexy. We could continue with the dirty archery comments until the cows came a-mooing home, but back to the point... Archery = hot. Period. No arguements. Name one un-sexy archer. We dare you. That's right, you wouldn't dare. Even Merlyn the Magician is hot. Let's not get me started on him. She's a decent archer- somewhere in her archery skills between Connor at the low point and Roy at the high point with Ollie above the other two boys. Any debates about Connor's archery skill levels should be directed towards the comments on this page, please. Plus, she can make her own trick arrows. Hot. We give her powers (or lack there of) a rating of

16 out of 25

Day Job/Alter Ego: She's H.I.V. postive. Now, while we all know that safe sex can partially eliminate the threat of "catching" H.I.V., it's not exactly something that makes us all hot and bothered. Don't get us wrong. We still love Mia, and we'd still have crazy awesome sex with her. We'd just wear a condom to do it. She's still in high school... but that's never really much of an issue- and aside from that her day job is to babysit Ollie when Dinah's not around to kick his ass. But she does it with such great attitude, we can't help but admire her. She really does need to get back in the Titans though, otherwise we're hardly ever gonna see her in comics anymore. Judd Winick bashing aside, we give her day job/alter ego a rating of

12 out of 25

Miscellaneous Deductions:
The colors of her costume and her code name really seem to scream more "Flash Sidekick" rather than Green Arrow sidekick. You'd think Green Arrow's sidekick would be more... I dunno... Green? I guess that's what they have Connor for. -2

Final Score: 62 out of 100 We love Mia. Yay Mia. Not a bad score for a sidekick.

Roy Harper/ Speedy / Arsenal / Red Arrow

Personality: It should never be said that Roy doesn't love the ladies. He has great love for the ladies- pretty much ALL the ladies. Maybe too much love. Which resulted in one of the most adorable kids in all of comics, Lian. And everyone knows that good Daddies are hot. It's true. And for as much crap as Lian ends up going through, let it never be said that Roy wouldn't/doesn't go to the ends of the earth for her. She may have been the product of an ill-concieved one night stand (sort of), but he loves that little girl, and that's major points. Back to his past though, He was a heroin addict. Not good. But, on the other hand, he did, eventually, get over it, and hasn't "fallen off the wagon" so to speak. And yeah, we have to mention it because it happened, but Allison for one would really wish people would stop saying "That guy in JLA, wasn't he a junkie?" There's a lot more to the character than just his past drug use. That's like saying "That Wonder Woman, didn't she kill a guy?" It's been twenty odd years. Writers and readers alike need to get over it. When he was younger, he was fairly prone to hero-worship, which put the kid in an awkard situation when his heroes were... well... Ollie and Hal. And luckily, as he's aged, it's muted into a sort of humility when it comes to other heroes that are bigger and better. He may act like he thinks he's more important than Superman, but if Superman says jump, Roy says How High? We give his personality a rating of

17 out of 25

Costume: Which. Freaking. One. The current one could be better. The "red arrow" costume from his miniseries was good. The Arsenal costume with the navajo leaf on it was pretty sexy. The leather jacket was bad, especially with the shaved head. The Blue one from the 80s? What in the world? Why would anyone dress a red-headed irish boy up in blue? That'd almost be as bad as putting him in green! Speaking of Green, we can't ever get away from that first image of little Roy, yellow hat, yellow gloves and boots, with red leggings and a tunic to match his mentor. Sigh, oh the old days. Unfortunately the old days are gone, and for the sake of saving a little time and confusion we're rating his current Red Arrow costume. Allison likes the shoe laces up the chest. Andrew does not. We are glad that the hat has not made a fashionable resurgance though- and thank God he's not wearing blue anymore. Play to your strong suits, Roy. The sentimental value of the new costume is great though- ALMOST to the point of making up for the fact that in 20 years, (If Kingdom Come is to be believed) he's going to look like a red headed Ollie... which was not a flattering look for him. Oh Roy. Whatever shall we do with you? We do miss the soul-patch though. It seemed to make any costume work. Maybe if he brought back the soul patch, we'd be so enamored with it we'd forget how bad the new costume looks.

12 out of 25.

Powers: Once again, Archer = sexy. Whoof. As Stan would say, 'Nuff freakin' said.

16 out of 25

Day Job / Alter Ego: You have to wonder what it says on Roy's Resume.... Current Occupation: Professional Superhero. Previous Occupations: Sidekick. Current Employer: Justice League of America. Previous Employer(s): Oliver Jonas Queen. I would kill for Roy's resume. Besides, how cool is it to be a superhero for a living? No need for a day job, Roy can bring home the bacon without it. Plus, while he's running around superheroing at night- what does he do during the day? Takes care of his baby. What better job could one have, I ask you? We really enjoy Roy's religious persuasions too. Before anyone bashes on Roy as being anti-religious or what not, I recommend you read his miniseries "Arsenal" written by Devin Grayson. She's not a particularly good writer, and I have plenty of crap I could talk about her- but this series was very well done, and digs into his Navajo roots. It's refreshing to see a character who believes in something you don't find every day- especially considering how he's as white as they come. All in all, we're fans of Roy's "day job", and we're giving it a rating of....

22 out of 25

Miscellaneous Deductions:
Too many names for me to type just to get this damn article written. Speedy, Arsenal, Red Arrow- pick one and stick with it for more than three issues, K? -3

speaking of names, Speedy? Speedy? We're blaming Roy for Mia's previous miscellaneous deductions- after all, he started it. But- as the joke goes... "You should have heard his first choice.." and of course there's the infamous "Speedy? I thought they didn't call you that anymore" etc. etc. We exhaust ourselves with these jokes. -5

We know Roy loves the ladies- but how many ladies has the boy TRULY loved? We mean true love. Look at it, he LOVED Donna- she's his childhood sweetheart whom he still feels for to this day. He LOVED Cheshire- still does, she's his baby's mama and he just can't help himself. He LOVES Dinah. It's that whole "You're hot and you came around about the time I was going through puberty and I'm not sure if I should think dirty thoughts about you or pretend your my mom." that he's never going to grow out of. Should he really be DATING at this point instead of just having sex like usual? Also- his choice in women isn't exactly the best. We stand by the thought that out of all the women that Roy has LOVED, Dinah was the only one who could have ever been any good for him- too bad she's in love with his MENTOR. Arguements should be sent to Rosewilsonworth@aol.com :) -4, one for each love.



Final Score: 53 out of 100
Because we love him so much, we had hoped that Roy would score higher, and in fact he'd be tied with Mia if he hadn't gotten all those damn deductions. So... sexy as he may be, gotta watch out for the ridiculously frequent name changes, heart-on-my-sleeve notions of romance and the fact that, simply put- with a name like "Speedy" you've either just lost your virginity, or you need to be a Flash Sidekick.

Al's Book Review

Review for Jim Butcher's Codex Alera

Okay, so... Jim Butcher's a fairly well known author, having put out such books as the Dresden Files ( which is now a fairly decent TV series). But the book's I'm gonna be reviewing are.. well- fairly recent and known as the Codex of Alera, consisting of (so far) three books, Furies of Calderon, Academn's Fury and Cursor's Fury. And, aside from what I'm about to mention below- they are quite good books, and everyone should read them.

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Right- So. The whole series takes place in a world called Alera, a sort of post-roman.. well... Rome practically. There's mention of the Tiber and Gaul rivers- and everyone's name sounds like you could have plucked them right out of the ancient senate, for the most part. The political structure of this world consists of the First Lord (basically the king) named Gais Sextus, and a bunch of High Lords (a senate of sorts) who spend most of their time seemly either plotting against the First Lord or defending him. Though, there is something special about this world- everyone has a type of "magic" in the form of furies. Furies come in six varieties- earth, metal, air, wood, fire, and water- each with their own special attributes and downfalls. A person who has strong metal furycrafting can be a badass swordsman, and ignore pain to great extents- but they're useless if you can wrap them in wood. Etc. Etc.

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That's as much of a summary as you're getting for me.

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Spoilers Ensue. Fair Warning.

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That said- Chekhov's gun makes SEVERAL rather startling appearances. Not startling in the fact that you sit back and go Hey! I remember that thing/person/place from the other book- but startling the way it would be startling if Chekhov jumped on stage during random intervals during the first and second act and began waving said gun around screaming "I'm not saying I'm about to shoot someone but check out this gun!" "Are you looking at the gun?" "Have you noticed the gun yet?" Let's face it, a teenaged boy living out in the boondocks with his aunt and uncle- not totally unbelievable except for the fact that during the entire first and second book we never hear a damn thing about either of his parents. We're not sure if Bernard and Isana are his maternal or paternal aunt and uncle- and the fact that Isana remains unmarried and childless even though she's supposed to be a mature woman in a time when marriage = security. So by the second chapter of the first book- I'd pretty much formulated the opinion that Isana was probably Tavi's unmarried mother, and thus disguised herself as his aunt to avoid any sort of problems that could arise from being an unwed mother. And though this isn't confirmed until the end of the second book and further extrapolated on upon the third- it's as obvious as a slap in the face. It's usually easy for writers to fall into this trap- they don't want to make the idea too vague that no one will pick up on it, but then they make it so obvious I feel like I don't need to read the rest of the book because I know what's going to happen already. Word of advice on Chekhov's gun- after you've written the first PING moment of realization- go back... cut the moment of realization. Leave the PING.

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Another literary problem; Deus Ex Machina anyone? I swear these books make it seem like God is sitting around with nothing better to do than watch these battles and send in the calvary at EXACTLY the right moment. Of course, the right moment does vary, ever so slightly- but mostly, the RIGHT MOMENT is the exact moment after the heroes small band of soliders beats down the more numerous, more vicious, more well trained army that surrounds them by taking out their leader and the army runs in disarray- but still killing plenty of the little band of heroes. As soon as the little band of heroes have made peace with the end of their existance- out from the sky with a blazing sword swings Michael to kill the rest of the army. AFter all, the little band got the main mission done by themselves (I.E. killing the leader)- so why shouldn't they be saved? Sure, it makes us all happy when the heroes win and live to fight another battle- but does it have to happen EVERY battle? Each one seems to be a matter of Hold The ____. Hold the Garrison until reinforcements arrive. Hold the Cave until reinforcements arrive. Hold the City until Reinforcements arrive. Hold the freakin' Bridge until reinforcements arrive. I'm not sure if it's better or worse because the characters know that reinforcements will arrive. And of course, reinforcements seem to consist of a bunch of lazy, slow moving but powerful soliders who make a two day trip take two weeks... just to piss off the little band of heroes trying to Hold The ___.

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Having beaten that dead horse well enough, let's move onto to Characterization.

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Characterization. It happens. For some characters. The rest of them are the same character with different abilities and names. Example, Tavi. Tavi undergoes some GREAT growth throughout the story. Everyone else is pretty much static. Let me extrapolate.

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The Women: The women are mostly bland and overpraised for their very tiny accomplishments, and the misogynistic undertones (while still undertones) are pretty damn obvious. I'm told that the female characters in the Dresden Files make up for it, but, having never read the Dresden Files myself- I can't vouch for it.

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You may say, Allison, you wonder of literary wisdom, if this is a post-Romanic medieval type setting, doesn't that in itself make up for the low spot these women have on the totem pole? No. It doesn't. I understand as well as anyone that women aren't going to have the same political power as men in stories set in this time/space, fine. But when you introduce a women by basically saying "She's a badass" and then she isn't a badass... well- that says something. Isana is a particularly good example. She's got the respect of everyone in her Steadholt as early as the first book. She's apparently an amazing watercrafter- but half way through the first book, she's captured. Okay. I can live with that- gotta progress the plot line some way. But then she's kidnapped again in the second and basically incapacitated in the third? I don't buy it. And even in the third, while Isana isn't captured - two other High Ladies are, which requires Lady Aquataine, Odiana and Amara to dress up like sex slaves to get them free. Really? Sex Slaves? .... Okay then- I suppose we needed more scantily clad females. That brings me to another topic- Amara. I tried really hard to like this girl. Really- I did. I wanted to like her because I immediately liked Bernard. But, I don't. She's flat. Butcher tries so hard to make her the best of both worlds (the upper class political world and the boondock world of the Steadholders and everyone else) that she has absolutely no true personality. She doesn't have any enemies or dislikes of her own, just picks up on the enemies of the people she's loyal to (Gaius, specifically). The only truly intersting female characters are either the "bad" guys or bat-shit crazy. Lady Aquataine and Odiana spark to mind. Personally, I love love love Odiana. She's creepy-crazy. And Lady Aquataine... while not as fun as Odiana, she's certainly got more character than Amara. So I find myself rooting for the bad guys- who I KNOW (because of Chekhov screaming and waving his gun, and from Michael lighting up his sword) are not going to win.

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The Men: The Men are easier. We've pretty much three kinds of men as far as the Alerans go. You've got the good guys- who are all the same character. Bad Guy Group 1 and Bad Guy Group 2.

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Good Guys: Good guys are just that. Good Guys. They're all badass fighters, passionate lovers, and take everything personally. Think of the epitome of a man. Mix in what your girlfriend would think is the epitome of a man. There. Every Good Guy in these books. Let's list 'em- for the hell of it: Bernard, Gaius, Septimus, Araris Valerian, Max, Sir Miles, Giraldi, and even Tavi to some extent. Humble badasses who love their woman (or women in some cases) whole-heartedly, believe in an honest days work and hold extreme loyalty to some other man. "Legionaires to the core" so to speak. Plus, their tragic flaw is the same as well! They all take the weight of some extreme guilt for something they had no control over. Think about it- Bernard feels guilty that everyone dies. Araris feels guilty that everyone dies. Miles feels guilty that everyone dies, Tavi feels guilty that everyone dies. Gaius feels guilty that everyone dies and then blames him. It's like being trapped in room with someone's jewish grandmother.

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Bad Guy Group 1: Bad Guy Group one. I like them. Actually- despite what I've said, I like all the men, cept for Bad Guy Group 2. Hey- they're the epitome of man. It's sexy, if not plausible. In any case, Bad Guy Group 1. They're the same as the Good Guys, except with a different loyalty. They actually differ from one another quite a bit. You've got Aldrick ex Gladius, Lord Aquataine, and Fidelias for starters. They appreciate an honest day's work as well... as long as they're getting something good in return. Also sexy in that epitome of maleness sort of way, and these guys don't usually wave around their sympathetic sides. While they seem to feel at least affectionate towards their main women- perhaps even love them, they're not bug-eyed just because the girl is giving them some attention. I really don't have much crap to talk about these guys. I like them. Especially Aldrick. Whoof.

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Bad Guy Group 2: These guys are just bad. (I.E. Steadholder Kord and High Lord Kalarus and Kalarus son Brencis) And we're back to them sharing alot of "qualities". They're obsessed with monetary and power gain, to the extent of leaving their people to rot in their own filth while they boost up their own homes. They're both obsessed with slaves, and especially with female slaves that they can... *ahem* use. Now, you could say- but Allison, you stud you, isnt that what bad guys do? Sure they do! And why not? I'll buy it. But by the same token... Do we really need so many of them? Wouldn't one who just doesn't die have sufficed just as well as three or more of these guys? Yeah- they're the ones we love to hate, their innately bad, truly evil. But geeze, I'm getting so much hate I think it's going to backlash and make me hate the good guys- like... persey, Amara. Heh.

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But, all in all- I did actually enjoy the books, most of the time. I felt the surprises were predictable, the characters (though sexy) were mostly static and I was never once surprised when the angels descended to save the little hero band. But, I loved the Marat, Kitai and Doroga especially though Hashat was awesome as well. Kitai was a bit predictable as well- but not to the extent that I felt I was getitng slapped with her prescense. Loved what happens between she and Tavi in general. when you read the books you'll know what I mean. THAT I was surprised by. The Cane are pretty nifty as well.. not really many bad things to say about those guys either. So basically, I've only got problems with the Alerans.

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Go, seek, enjoy these books. Tell me if I'm totally off-target here. And for god's sake, someone give me something else to read and review!