Al's Book(s) Review(s)- Let see how many we can get through

Sooo... I read lots and lots of books over Christmas break, unfortunately I haven't reviewed ANY of them yet- so let's see how many I can get done in one post... in the order that I have read them no less.

S. Morgenstern's The Princess Bride - The Abridged (Good Bits) Version By William Goldman

Okay. First on the list. Good book. If you've seen the movie, it's exactly like that- since Goldman did the screenplay for the movie as well- right down to the grandfather and grandson chit-chatting before and between scenes. Some of you may become all elitist on me and tell me that I should have actually read Morgenstern's version- but F. U. Losers, and let me tell you why.

Apparently Morgenstern's original Princess Bride was a work of satire about the society of Florin. Not having studied Florenese society in the 16-1700's, I was less than interested. Especially since the man spends 60 + pages describing a noble woman packing and unpacking her hats. And that's not the least of it- there are plenty of more instances of blatant ass-hattery involving travel, who sits next to whom at who's dinner party and why they must be sat accordingly, etc. etc. So- wanting more action than ass-hattery.. I went for the abridged version.

But don't think that because it's not technically the original that it doesn't still hold the satirical qualities of the original. It's chalk-full of them. Like when Buttercup slams the door in Wesley's face because he came to tell her that he loved her. And the fact that Buttercup is .... not so bright. And there's plenty that's different from the movie as well- the Pit of Despair for one. I just wanted everyone to be aware that the movie is so well written (by Goldman) that many of the lines from the movie are taken directly from the book- plus you get to know the characters SO much better from the book. Ever wonder what Fezzick did BEFORE he went off with Vinzcini? Or how he got to be "unemployed, in GREENLAND" in the first place? Why does Inigo fight Wesley with his left hand when he could have easily dispatched him with his right- what the heck is up with Count Rugen, how did the Prince find Buttercup to begin with etc. etc. all these questions and more are finally answered. Plus- if you want a little softcore book porno- Goldman wrote up his own scene where Buttercup and Wesley are finally reuinited after tumbling to the ravine floor. You have to mail in a request to get it, but hopefully the publishers are still getting letters for it. Because dammit, I could use a little softcore porno to bait my Crisis Fatigue with.

Anansi Boys- By Neil Gaiman

We all know I have a hard on for Gaiman. It's obvious- but this book took me FOREVER to get through, more than a month when I can usually tear through books in a week or two. For some reason, while it was good book- it didn't capture my attention. It took FAR too long to get to the damn point of things, and it wasn't even filled with all the quirky symbolism of American Gods- at least not any that I am smart enough to pick up on. Basically we chase Fat Charlie from the England to the States back to England and a Spider shows up and we chase Fat Charlie who chases his girlfriend who chases a Spider who cowers in a corner and finally we get to an island and then things pick up. Limes come in. And then the climax. Don't get me wrong- the African Safari into the realm of dead gods was awesome, wonderfully descriptive, but I felt so cheated. I read the first 150-200 pages with nothing really of consequence happening. *Spoiler..ish* Someone steals money and blames Fat Charlie. He has a brother. His brother bones his fiancee. There. The whole 150 pages in three sentances. So read my three sentances and skip to the good bits at the end.

Captain's Fury By Jim Butcher.
Oh yes, my love/hate affair with this Furies of Calderon series will never end. NEVER I say. While this book wasn't my favorite- obviously Butcher has been reading my reviews and took them into consideration while writing the fourth of this series.

There is only one short instances of "Hold the ____" . Chechov's gun finally gets shot-( though it's shot off stage and only two people hear it) and we're introduced to a male character (A good guy) who is a coward, and therefore unlike other good guy males. Okay, maybe not a coward, but Ehren certainly doesn't seem to have the balls of steel that every other male seems to have inheirited from the incestuous relationships and inbreeding caused by noble families marrying one another's cousins and sisters. Tavi finally gets a little fury zap-zap power going, Isana does something pretty awesome and By the way, Araris and Isana better bone soon or my blue balls are going to explode.

On the other hand (the bitch slapping hand)- Isana gets kidnapped- AGAIN- I'm sure it was only to keep with the tradition that has been going on for the last three books, but whatever. And Araris once again decides NOT to show us how badass a swordsman he is. I'm getting tired of being told he's so awesome when it's beginning to seem like a cockroach with a hernia could take him out of commision.

Pheonix Unleashed- Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory

You ever get that feeling you just walked in on something you shouldn't have? Yeah- that's how I felt about this book. I got it for chrismas so I decided to plunge forward. Unless you have read the previous three prequel books- you're shit out of luck as far as knowing what time of day it is,what month it is, and to some extent how old the characters actually are. It's mediocre at best. Some parts stand out- introduction of the bad guy in fact. It's a novel idea to have a bad guy not really be evil, but rather be a good guy who's trying to simply maintain a balance between good and evil (Even Darth Vadar reverts to revenge in the end). But the co-authors ruin it by making the bad guy seek immortality. Otherwise it might have worked. Still not bad. The Dragons are nifty and towards the end you finally get the swing of hours and days and months (a little bit at least)- but my major complaint is with the death of the centaur guide girl, Simera.

Don't complain about spoilers, because as you'll see, it doesn't really matter. Simera shows up, you get attached to her, and then not 100 pages later- she's dead. And not a painful emotional dead, just- quite literally, "And then she died." (pg. 215) Normally I'm not for long drawn out death scenes but the nonchalance of the death really made it- well...quite frankly, hysterical. I burst out laughing. My laughter at her death was more disturbing than the actual death.

It's very Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings in the fact that in this whole book NOTHING IMPORTANT HAPPENS. One boy gets magical powers. They go looking for someone to help with the magical powers. Meet Simera. Simera dies. Meet some Elves. Second boy gets magical powers. Book ends. That's right- they haven't even SEEN the bad guy yet, not really. Good set-up for a triology I suppose, but I can't stand it when those people (you know, authors) do that kind of shit. If you're going to write a series or a triology, at least give me a mini-baddie to hate on that we can fight and kill. It's like a videogame- a videogame would be no fun if you had to fight one small battle without really knowing your main enemy- and then you have to BUY THE SECOND PART OF THE GAME. Personally, I'd be pissed- and was. And as much as I rag on Butcher and the Fury's books- at least there's a climax in each book. The climax of Pheonix Unleashed was meeting a dragon. A big deal, sure, but not nearly as glorious as say.... killing a dragon.

Keys to the Kingdom: Mister Monday- Garth Nix

I also have a hard on for Garth Nix. Love love love the Sabriel triology, and I DEMAND more of it. So- I thought I'd give his new teen book a shot.

It scared the shit out of me.

I can't seem to really describe why it scared me- but it was really just one or so paragraphs that struck terror into me so bad I had to stay up the extra hour (until 4 am) to get my adreniline to settle.

If you have a bedroom where a tree branch might randomly scrape on your window at night- I suggest you read it in the dead of night.. and see if you aren't scared shitless by the Fetchers. During the day, it's not nearly as terrifying- and maybe it's just preying on one of my childhood phobias but keep in mind what Hemingway said.. "It is awfully easy to be hard boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." (Sun Also Rises).

Back to the story. I can't summarize this one. Too much stuff happens, but if you are a fan of the Astral Plane, strange dead suns lying at the end of space and time, Norse Mythology, plays on words, asthematics, clocks, a good story or any of these things in any shape or form- I recommend it.

There are going to be 6 others in the series, Mister Monday, Grim Tuesday, Drowned Wednesday, Sir Thursday, Lady Friday and some titles for Saturday and Sunday- so read Mister Monday first.

And even though it will have plenty of sequels- TONS of shit happens in this book.. and there is a main/mini bad defeated in the end. Hurrah.

For more info- and FUN GAMES! related to Keys of the Kingdom series, see http://www.scholastic.com/titles/keys/books.htm. For more info on Garth Nix and more books I adore, go here- http://www.garthnix.co.uk/home

Storm Front- Jim Butcher

Back to Butcher. But this isn't one of the Furie's books. It's the first book of the Dresden Files. Also a Christmas gift from the same boyfriend who keeps getting me into my torrid love affair with the Fury's books. And he always gets depressed when I review them- even though I obviously like them enough to keep reading them.

So, Book one of the Dresden Files.

Harry Dresden is fresh, compared to Butcher's other male characters in his other series. A coward almost and totally centered on money- but he still treats ladies like a gentleman... most of the time.

I enjoyed Storm Front. Muy Excellente.

If anyone watched the Dresden Files on Sci-Fi (a show I actually liked though said boyfriend hated it for not being like the books), this one was made into one of the episodes.

People's HEARTS EXPLODE. That should make it awesome enough. The idea of modern magic is deftly and artistically handled- with such points as how technology buggers up when magic is present (meaning poor Harry has no cable, no hot showers and I'm surprised his refridgerator even works!), and the description of the lost art of potion mixing (you know, perfume, nutmeg, cinnamon, some pieces of a rubber tire and of course a beam of sunlight), and the mystical Third Eye. Sounds cheesy, the Third Eye, I know- but the description of the view from there is quite... well, not terrifying, but certainly on the creepy side. This book didn't scare me shitless- but the creep factor was definately up there. Plus, even though it's a series- there's a bad guy who gets defeated and I love that.

So, Brian- I ENJOYED IT. I really did. And I want to read the second one. You Asshat.


Annnd Ladies and Gentlemen we're finally caught up with Allison's reading list. Am currently 1/2 way into Sun Also Rises, and though I may review it- I refuse to review it in the way of a graduate student looking to write a book about Hemingway. I want to read some classics, but I'm gonna give you my OPINION on those works- not what critics have found and not what my professors will tell me about Hemingway. So. Never fear- I'll rip into the greats as easily as the fluffs.

Once again, I need more books to add onto my list so if anyone has recommendations- send them to RoseWilsonWorth@aol.com -please title it "Hey Asshat, read this."

Thank you and goodnight.